I weep with sorrow; encourage me by your word. Psalm 119:28

For the past week I have been sorting through some thoughts that started with an emotional reaction I had to an acquaintance casually mentioning a Halloween event they'd heard about and were thinking of attending. The reaction I had was an instant feeling of dread.

I'm not one who enjoys Halloween in general. I have been part of and even organized many church fall festivals and trunk-or-treats, but after seeing the spiritual affect this holiday can have on people firsthand, in about 2014, I haven't participated in much of anything Halloween related. However, I have never had an automatic, knee-jerk reaction to someone casually mentioning Halloween before and it bothered me a little bit.

The more I thought about it over the week, the more I sensed danger surrounding this year's Halloween holiday. I had zero context for this though and was perfectly willing to assume I was working myself up over it because of the reaction I had. But that all changed the night of September 9th when I had 2 dreams that disturbed and puzzled me. Actually, they momentarily made me forget about my concern over Halloween. These dreams, I felt, were from God. I'll go into detail on those dreams in moment.

Before I could fully process these dreams, on September 10th, Charlie Kirk was murdered and I, along with many others have been experiencing a deep grief.

I have been watching the events of Charlie Kirk's death. The responses. The emotions. And like many, I've been processing my own emotions. I'm dumbfounded that a conservative man came to our conservative state and was murdered because of what he believes, what so many in this state believe. What I believe.

The internet is flooded with people who are grieving, angry, scared, and unfortunately some are even celebrating. Charlie Kirk is with Christ now. He is not in pain. and yet here on earth we feel his loss deeply. Especially as Christians. Why?

Because we know in our spirit that this was an act of evil. That Charlie's time, his assignment on earth was cut short. Because while Charlie is in heaven, we still exist in this physical realm where demonic forces are prowling about seeking to kill and destroy. We feel this in our spirit.

Some of us are afraid. Some are grieving, some are angry, some are all of the above. And while we sort through these emotions and watch the news roll in with updates about Charlie's murder, the school shooting in Colorado, the Ukrainian woman who was murdered, the memories of September 11th, and so much more, it's vital that we remember one thing.

Cling to Jesus.

Now that we have jumped from the shock of Charlie's death, into the grief of remembering the tragic events from September 11th, 2001, I have had some time to set aside the news and social media, to really consider and pray about the past week. The more I think and pray about everything, the more convinced I am that my sense about Halloween, the dreams I had, and even Charlie's death and the grief we're all feeling, are all connected.

So let me tell you about these dreams.

Dream 1:

I had a dream that I went for a job interview at Home Depot. It was night and only two guys were there, the rest of the store was dark like it was closed. For some reason, my son was with me, but he appeared in my dream as his 10-year old self, rather than his adult self. As we walked to the store from the parking lot I had an uneasy feeling. I told my son to run home and tell my husband to call 911. He ran off. I went in and these two guys were wearing all black, but one of the men had red glossy lipstick on, fake eyelashes, and fake nails painted red. He was not trying to be a woman, he had a very menacing, evil vibe about him, and he had a beard. The two men and I didn't communicate much with words, but somehow I knew their intention was to abduct me and use me as a black market surrogate mother sex slave. (That paints a crazy picture, right?) So I ran. And they ran after me. There was a lot of chasing, but I kept outpacing them. Eventually, my husband found me and picked me up and the chase, and dream ended.

Dream 2:

The second dream almost feels like a continuation of the first dream. My husband I were out and about together. It was daylight hours. I don't remember any specific place or thing my husband and I were doing, we were just out and about. Suddenly we were surrounded by a large group of people. I knew they only wanted me so they could harvest my organs, but because my husband was there, they had to get through him in order to get to me, so they were beating him up. In the fray, I was knocked to the ground and I knew two things. These were not people, they were demons, and we were not going to get out of this situation on our own.

I felt like I needed to close my eyes and keep them closed so that I wouldn't see the humans, but could imagine the demons who were actually attacking us and I began to pray in tongues. Then I started to command the demons to leave. They all surrounded me and laughed, but I kept my eyes closed and asked God to reign down fire on them and they started mocking me. I felt the reason I needed to keep my eyes closed was to stay in faith about what I was saying. But then all once I felt the need to look them in the eyes. I opened my eyes and look at one of them, "You're laughing, but what is that?" And indicated the sky behind them. I had expectations of seeing actual fire falling from the sky. They looked, but there was nothing there and then out of nowhere dozens of cops pulled up and surrounded everyone. I heard a voice inside me say, "Sometimes fire from heaven, doesn't look like fire." Craig was bruised, and I went into shock from the adrenaline, but we were both okay. And that ended dream number 2.

Remember, I had these two dreams the night of September 9th. When I woke up on September 10th, I was disturbed by the violent nature of both dreams. I told my husband about them. I told my mom about them. My mom is the one who usually helps me interpret my dreams and her first, immediate response was, "You are dangerous to the enemy. Don't live in fear. I went immediately into tongues while reading this. God is giving you a heads up. Be vigilant. Your assignment has to do with building in the body of Christ. The enemy can't touch you, but he wants to."

But I wasn't afraid. I was disturbed, sure, but I also had peace. And I felt there was more to uncover from this dream. But she was a work, and then Charlie Kirk was murdered, so we didn't really get to talk more about it until this afternoon (the 11th). And as the day wore on, I felt like it was all connected somehow.

When we spoke this afternoon, my mom and I both agreed that after recent events, we both felt like the dream was not just about me, but about the body of Christ. Interestingly, as I was writing thoughts down to write this blog, I looked over my past blogs and re-read the dream I had in January of 2024, which still feels significant today especially in light of all that has happened in the past week. Especially the last sentence which was a direct quote from the Lord when I was praying about the dream I was processing at that time. Here is the sentence:

“My heart grieves for my people who are not ready to face this darkness because they don’t know Me as they should. There is light coming but they can’t see it for they aren’t looking. They don’t understand.”

My mom pointed out that in the first dream, I did things and acted in ways that are not like me. Sending my 10-year old, special needs, son off into the night by himself to deliver an emergency message to my husband instead of calling or texting him, or for heavens sakes, calling the police myself. Or the fact that I sensed danger and didn't just leave, but went inside anyway. These speak of someone who doesn't know what to do when they sense spiritual danger. I don't claim to be perfect at it, or know everything there is to know on the subject, but it confirmed the person in the dream wasn't me.

So what does it all mean? Well, I think the dreams were a warning. The sense I've had about Halloween is a warning. I don't know if we should be expecting more of the same tragic things we've been seeing until Halloween, if something is going to happen on Halloween and we need to be praying, or a combination of the two. But I feel like there is some extra evil surrounding Halloween this year and as Christians we need to be praying and alert.

In the second dream, a large crowd of people were surrounding me, laughing, and mocking me because I was using my authority in Jesus. Right now, people are laughing at and celebrating the death of Charlie Kirk. The Bible tells us that the world hated Jesus and so the world will hate us and mock us.

But remember what my mom's first reaction was to my dreams: "You are dangerous to the enemy. Don't live in fear. I went immediately into tongues while reading this. God is giving you a heads up. Be vigilant. Your assignment has to do with building in the body of Christ. The enemy can't touch you, but he wants to." That's not a message just for me. If you're a Christian, this applies to you. But we need to know how to respond and how to use the authority we have in Christ. Remember the seven sons of Sceva? (Acts 19:14-17)

In America we haven't experienced Christian persecution to the degree that other countries have. We have felt safe from persecution. Safe from the world rejecting us. In 2001 we experienced the hate another country could have for our country. In 2020 we started to see a sharp rise in the division in our country. People were harassed, and rejected, and called despicable things for not taking a vaccine, but that was not directed specifically at Christians. Now we have the murder of Charlie Kirk. An event that is Christian specific. This is spiritual. This is why we are all experiencing such a deep grief over his loss.

People are afraid, people are grieving, people are angry.

Take a beat.

Don't stay in fear. Remember that we are children of God, the creator of the universe and he speaks to us. Death is not in his plan, death stems from the enemy. God did not choose to take Charlie, or anyone else early, but make no mistake, God can use death for his purposes. He can turn this for our good. He can use it to put a fire in us.

Don't stay in grief and despair. Remember that Christ defeated the enemy. Remember that we have power and authority in Jesus. And if you are a Christian and don't know this, or don't know how to use your authority, I would encourage you to look up and prayerfully read all the "In Him" verses in the bible.

Don't let anger consume you. Don't become a keyboard warrior unless you hear from God to do so. Don't yell at the people who are celebrating, don't engage with them until you can speak from a place of wisdom rather than anger. Charlie Kirk kept his cool in the face hateful words. We can do the same.

Instead, pray. Cling to Jesus. Take time to remind yourself who you are in him. Let him speak to you directly. Take comfort in his presence. Gather together with other believers to pray for each other, for our country, for those who think this is a time to celebrate.

Stop looking at the world for answers. Seek God. Take refuge in Him.

We are the body of Christ. This is why we feel Charlie's loss so deeply. He was part of us, even if we didn't know him personally, or follow him closely. The grief we feel isn't the normal human grief, it comes from our spirits. We grieve the loss as we see first hand the rejection Jesus spoke about when he said, "If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you." John 15:18.

If God is who he says he is, who we believe him to be, who Charlie Kirk proclaimed him to be to hundreds of thousands of people, then we should be able to navigate this season with his peace, his strength, and his wisdom.

Don't get me wrong. I may sound confident in my writing, but I almost didn't bother writing this. I had plenty of excuses go through my head as to why I shouldn't. But I couldn't just let it sit. I thought it would be much shorter than this, but as I began to write, I got more revelation. Trust God. He will lead us. He will be a pillar of smoke and fire for us. This Christian life, here on earth, is a journey. The destination, heaven, is secure. As believers in Jesus Christ who died for our sins on a cross and rose again three days later, our destination is set regardless of what happens in this physical life. Cling to Jesus.